Bright Network member Alejandro shares his story
"My name is Alejandro, and I am a first-year English Literature student at Durham. Coming from a low-income, state-school background, Durham feels like a radically different place."
Picture yourself standing in a crowded room. Jolly faces dart around you slowly, morphing into nothingness. An immense sense of guilt and pressure begins to pound in your chest, while you begin to question whether you should be here. “Do I belong? Am I less deserving than everyone else?”. In the blink of an eye, you’re filled with dread.
To me, this is what imposter syndrome feels like.
Before I share my experiences, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Alejandro, and I am a first-year English Literature student at Durham.
In this article, I would like to share some of my experiences involving imposter syndrome and my tips for overcoming (or trying to deal with) it. This article is a candid self-reflection that hopefully raises awareness of the hardships associated with imposter syndrome. If you have also been affected by imposter syndrome, know that you are not alone.
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My experience of dealing with imposter syndrome at university
Within the first week of starting my degree at Durham, I quickly became accustomed to the role of the 'Imposter'. Coming from a low-income, state-school background, Durham felt like a radically different place.
Initially, I noticed how things that seemed abstract to me were very normal to others from more privileged backgrounds.
"I quickly became accustomed to the role of the 'Imposter'."
"From peoples' knowledge of Latin phrases to understanding how different spoons are used depending on the dish to knowing what 'good' wine should taste like, I felt extraterrestrial."
Even in the act of small talk, I felt like an imposter – while for everyone else, it seemed like it came naturally, to me it felt clumsy and awkward. Constantly being asked “What school did you go to?” was especially painful and exhausting: I would have to reiterate over and over again how I went to a local state school that they never heard of.
The culmination of these experiences made me feel like an outsider, who, unlike others, was unaware of all the social norms expected of me.
Finding community
As a result of my imposter syndrome, I relied on making friends with other people from a similar background to me. Becoming friends with fellow state-schoolers served as a coping mechanism at first. We bonded over our uncomfortable experiences in our new environment.
Clearly, I was not the only one affected by imposter syndrome, as many others felt the tension between going to Durham (a place where 39.1% of students come from private schools) and being from a lower socio-economic background.
However, over time I started to realise how my seemingly harmless coping mechanism might have actually been a little counterproductive. I realised that in favour of short-term comfort, I was now isolating myself from others. Only speaking to people from backgrounds like mine was not so different to others only socialising with people from privileged backgrounds. I was unknowingly being narrow-minded as I automatically removed myself from socialising with certain people.
Clearly, a mindset change was necessary. I needed to erase the misconceptions in my brain and overcome my imposter syndrome.
Changing my perspective
The first way I started to change my perspective was to understand that university can help to level the playing field. In higher education, students have equal opportunities to thrive academically. No matter what school we went to, we’ll all end up with a degree from the same university. In fact, in order to gain acceptance into Durham, we all had to work hard no matter what background we came from. This helped me realise that I’m not an imposter, and I deserve to be at Durham just as much as anyone else.
The practical step that helped me overcome imposter syndrome
The main way I overcame the mental barriers of imposter syndrome was to join societies. In societies, people from many different backgrounds can bond over shared interests. The society I joined was Durham’s Water Polo team (DUWP).
"The society I joined was Durham’s Water Polo team."
"I found that sport was an effortless way to beat the mental barriers I faced, because it’s all about your physical performance, not where you come from or who you are."
As a team, we would bond over tough training sessions or challenging matches that affected us all equally.
To me, this was a true testament that sometimes stereotypes and misconceptions can lead to us making assumptions about others. In reality, most people are eager to enjoy their time at university regardless of who they are or where they come from. I am really thankful that I had the initiative to join DUWP, as I truly believe that it has opened my mind and helped me to separate stereotypes from reality.
The main thing I want you to take from reading about my experience is that to beat imposter syndrome (from a socio-economic perspective), you must keep an open mind and try to avoid misconceptions. This will make your university experience more enjoyable and help you expand your horizons and meet new people. After all, one of the great things about attending university is being able to build a network of people from multiple different backgrounds.
