How to take (and ask for) feedback

Savvy people are always asking for feedback because they know that the only way to improve is to hear the truth. Whether it’s for an essay at uni or a project at work, getting feedback will help you get better at what you’re doing. The downside? Asking for feedback is daunting for lots of us – but it doesn’t have to be.

So, how do you face your feedback fears and ask someone senior to give you personalised feedback? And how do you take it if you don’t like what you hear?

In this guide, we’ll explain how to stop fretting over feedback by covering:

• How do I ask for feedback?
• How to handle feedback – positive, negative and mixed
• The best ways to use feedback

Not everyone will freely give feedback so if you want it, you’ll have to ask for it. Whether you need to approach your university lecturer or your workplace supervisor, we’ve put together some of our top tips for asking their thoughts.

The person you’ll be asking for feedback will be in a more senior position, which makes it more intimidating. But they’re still human – and they were in your shoes once too. Remember that part of their role requires them to give feedback, so approach them politely and they’ll help.

If asking a senior person feels too much, start with a friend. Ask a coursemate what they thought of your presentation style. By getting used to asking for feedback from those you’re comfortable with, you’ll soon feel OK with asking the ‘big cheese’ too.

It’s normal to worry about asking for feedback for the first time. But the person you’ve asked isn’t going to be angry that you’ve requested it. They probably won’t even be surprised.

The worst that can happen is that they don’t have time to do it. If that’s the case, don’t bug them – just thank them for their time and move on. If you’re struggling with limited feedback at uni, make use of staff’s office hours. That’s time they’ve set aside to chat through your questions.

Some people ask for feedback verbally, others by email. If you ask someone in person, you increase your chance of getting the feedback. It’s much harder to ghost someone when they’re standing in front of you. But although it’s trickier to say “no” in person, it’s also more difficult for someone to be critical.

People often feel more comfortable providing robust feedback when they've had time to go away and think about it. So, even if you ask in person, give them time to reflect and the option to get back to you later. After all, the whole point of asking for feedback is to learn how to improve. You don’t want somebody to say everything’s fine if it’s not.

Make it more likely that you’ll get useful feedback by providing the feedback-giver with a structure.

Instead of asking for general feedback, ask specific questions. What was the strongest part of my essay? What was the weakest? What did you like about the way I hosted the meeting? If you ask for broad feedback, you’ll sometimes end up with something too generic to action. So, ask “How do you think I’m doing with the public speaking elements of the role?” instead of “Can you give me any feedback on how I’m doing at work?”. But equally, don’t go too narrow. So, stick to asking about public speaking and not the speed of your speech.

Once you’ve received your feedback, it's time to review what you've been given. There’s no point in asking for an honest assessment if you’re not going to listen to it.

Sometimes feedback will be a confidence booster. Other times, it’ll be hard to hear. And that’s OK. We’re all better at some things than others and, once we know our weak spots, we’re able to improve for next time.

How you deal with feedback will depend on if it’s positive or negative.

You’ll often find that feedback is complimentary. Sure, it’s great to hear about how wonderful you are. But what do you do with positive feedback? When used well, it’ll give you more than an ego boost.

The first thing to do is to take note of what you did well. Once you know what’s worked, you know what to do again.

Improving isn’t just about fixing things you did wrong. It’s also about building on previous successes in the future. So, keep doing more of what you’ve done well.

When you ask for feedback, you must accept that sometimes you’ll receive negative comments.

It’s important to know how to take criticism. The first thing is to remember that it’s a critique of your work, not you as a person. Good negative feedback will be constructive, and you’ll know how to turn it around.

If you receive unhelpful feedback (eg. a list of faults), ask for tips on how to improve and do some research on how to overcome them.

Save the feedback somewhere and return to it when the sting isn’t quite so fresh. You’ll be amazed how quickly you’ll turn that piece of negative feedback into something positive. And you'll never make the same mistakes again.

Don’t fixate on only the good points or the bad. A lot of feedback will be a mix of the two and some personalities will see one more than the other. Take the time to dissect what you’ve been told and give both parts equal attention.

A lot of people give feedback using the ‘Compliment Sandwich’ technique – that’s a compliment, followed by a piece of negative feedback, finished by another compliment or encouraging point. If you’re not careful, you’ll miss the critical bit in the middle. So, always read feedback in detail and take it all in rather than skim it.

Once you’ve learned how to ask for constructive feedback and and how to take it, the next step is the crucial one: how to use it.

A healthy relationship with feedback means you’ll use it to improve how you work and study in general – not just how you edit one essay, for example.

To make the most out of your feedback, you should:

You’ve received feedback in the past. But do you remember what it was?

Keeping a log of feedback helps you recognise any common mistakes you make. It also gives you a checklist of things to watch out for in the future.

One way of keeping track of feedback is by copying and pasting any feedback into a working document. It’ll be useful to help you work on your weaknesses. Plus, it gives you somewhere to keep all the nice things people have said about you. And we’re sure there’ll be plenty.

When you’re running through your feedback, organise it into categories. Do this when assessing feedback on one thing (ie. a project or a presentation) or looking back in general (ie. comments on your writing style).

Is the feedback on something that you’ll improve with practice? Is it to do with attention to detail? Is it to do with time, deadlines or organisation? Creating buckets helps you learn from the feedback in the long term. “Your presentation would be more engaging with unique visuals” and “It would be nice if you contribute more ideas” sound very different, but they’re both encouraging you to be more creative.

Sometimes, you’ll receive feedback on a very specific point such as the wording you’ve used. But you should make note of the wider learning behind the specific piece of feedback. So, if you’re told to avoid a slang word in conversations with clients, the person giving feedback probably means “Use more formal language” rather than “Use the same language but never this term”.

By keeping a running list of these wider feedback points, you’ll be able to refer to them when going into similar situations, so you don’t make the same mistake twice. Making it clear that you understand how to scale feedback shows employers that you’re invaluable.

Asking for feedback is scary, but it’s necessary – and rewarding.

The first step is to relax and ask for effective feedback in a way that works for you. Once you’ve got the feedback, you need to learn to accept it – even if you don’t like what you hear.

By taking note of what people say about you, you’ll be able to categorise and scale the feedback. Understanding people’s feedback and knowing how to respond to it will help you throughout your studies and your career. So, take the first step by asking someone how you’ve done on something. There’s no need to wonder anymore when you know how to ask.